Dude, Would You Please Cowboy Up?
Dude, Would You Please Cowboy Up?
Desperate law student: But I love you!
Heartless biotech: That’s your problem, not mine.
Desperate law student: I can’t live without you.
Heartless biotech: So don’t.
Desperate law student: You wouldn’t even care if I killed myself, would you?
Heartless biotech: Not unless you decided to do it in front of my house and I had to have police and the media there. Then I’d be pissed.
Desperate law student: How can you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Heartless biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do decide to kill yourself try to do it the week of August sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vineyard with Jason then.
–Brooklyn Law School library
*from Overheard in New York
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Pumped!
I corresponded with a young lady, Monique, for several months. She
seemed normal enough and we agreed to meet.
After a nice dinner, we went back to her apartment, intending to watch “The Hunt For Red October” on videotape. We got out of her car and she walked around to the passenger side.
And then as soon as I closed the door behind me, she picked me up and threw me over her shoulder like a sack of grain. [I am 5'8, 120 lb. soaking wet, and she is about 6'1 and 300 lb., almost all of it muscle.]
She carried me into the apartment. Locked the door behind her. Clawed my
clothes off. Slammed me onto the hard wooden floor to stun me while she
stripped. Threw me onto her bed. And forced herself upon me.
[I wasn't objecting to having sex with her in the first place, but the treatment was a bit rough, I felt.]
We watched the movie and things seemed to calm down. After it ended, she
said sharply to me, “You know that’s based on a true story.”
I stammered, “Um… are you sure?”
Her face darkened and she snapped, “You think it’s not? You must be a
Russian spy!”
[I'm half Iranian and half Scottish and have never been to Russia in
my life. By this time I've realized "Monique" isn't playing with a
full deck.]
Before I could think of a response, she said, “I’m going to pump you for
information. Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy yourself even as you tell me
everything you know.”
She [again] got on top of me, pinned me to the bed as she mounted me,
and started clawing at my flesh with her fingernails and trying to snap
me in half with her legs [think Xenia Onatopp from GoldenEye.]
When I didn’t reveal any “information” (since there was none to
reveal,) she merely smiled and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it all out
of you next time.” Then she bitch-slapped me across the face a few
times for emphasis.
The next morning she was sweet and kind as she drove me home. Needless
to say, there was no next date.
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Did I Use The Right Bait?
Actual message sent from Plenty of Fish user:
“I would like to penetrate you.”
We’re meeting tonight….
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