craigslist
Sex with the neighbors- minneapolis
Sex duel with the neighbors
Date: 2009-10-26, 3:52PM CDT
My girlfriend and I live below you. A while back, we were waking up one morning to some weird noises. Kind of like some squeaks at a pretty even pace; I thought it was a ceiling fan or something. Well, it only took a minute to figure out what was really going on. The female moans helped to narrow down the possibilities, and the long deep groan at the conclusion of the session pretty much sealed it. We heard you having sex: we giggled and were kind of embarrassed but wouldn’t you know it, it got my girl in the mood and we began having sex too. Now, my girlfriend has a pretty neat sense of humor, so to make things more interesting she started making some noises exactly like we heard coming from above. Taking her cue, when I delivered the goods I managed to let out a beast of a man-groan that shook the foundation of our apartment. We had to put pillows over our faces to muffle the laughter.
The next time we heard you, we couldn’t help but join in. We started before you were even finished. When we heard things from above, we would beckon a response. Soon we were trying to push the envelope and totally out-do you, with moans and cries and screams of pleasure that I’m sure probably caused some commotion. It became sort of a fun contest for us to out-sex you, making sure we lasted longer and were much louder than you. We would do it against the wall hoping that you could feel the pounding. Apparently we had some sort of competitive drive that we really fed off. It was fun.
Then one time we were in the process of out-doing you when we heard massive noise from above. We paused for a second to get a better listen. What we heard was indescribable.
It sounded as if the entire cast of Cirque du Soleil was upstairs having an orgy; trapeze, elephants and all. We were astonished. Were you returning fire? Had our little game turned into a contest? Were we losing? What was going on up there? How could two people make so much noise? Or did you contract in some outside help?
We had to regroup. We brainstormed possible ways to gain the upper hand. We could only do so much with our voices, and it wasn’t fair because you have the obvious advantage of being upstairs. Needless to say, we came up with some ideas.
Yesterday morning we heard you two starting to go at it. My girlfriend took off her shirt and mounted me (I must say that her competitiveness is attractive and scary at the same time). What followed was some of the craziest sex we’ve had. Headboard slamming, yelling, squeals of pleasure, cries of pain and anger, hi-profile spanking. We grabbed a broomstick and started hitting the ceiling with it as we fucked like crazy.
You, however, were just as impressive, and we could hear the craziness above us as we pushed ourselves to be as wild as possible. Soon we heard you yell words like “HARDER!” and my girl would yell back “DEEPER!” which would soon be followed by “FUCK ME!” which we would reply “FUCK MY ASS!”
It was at this point when I had a mental image that would result in this note being written. I imagined what we must all look like having sex at the same time, yelling, pounding the floor and ceiling. We were basically participating in group sex! What started out as a small competition had gotten way out of control. What did our neighbors think? I couldn’t help but start to laugh.
We give up. You win. You win the sex duel. It’s been fun, and I am grateful to you for keeping my sex life interesting, but I just don’t have the strength mentally and physically to continue. Now let’s all just go back to having normal sex.
Respectfully,
Your downstairs neighbor (maybe we’ll meet in person sometime)
No CommentsDid we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? – w4m- chicago
Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert? – w4m
Date: 2012-04-09, 3:41PM CDT
Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots.
You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings.
I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got fucked up. You had a nice cock and I was wasted so I let raw dog it in the stall.
You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise.
Anyway I’m pregnant. It’s yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.
- Location: Aragon Ballroom
Girlfriend says, my lab must go
Girlfriend says, my lab must go
Date: 2011-03-14, 7:04PM EDT
New girlfriend is not a fan of my 8 year old lab, and says i need to make a craigslist add to find him a good home…..so here you go honey
Free to good home
1 jealous nagging dog hating girlfriend
make an offer or look in the free section if she keeps it up and gets kicked to the curb
No CommentsI grabbed your boobs on Sunset – m4w (los angeles)
Date: 2012-03-19, 8:59PM PDT
Saturday night, I was out with my buddies walking around on Sunset, going from bar to bar, club to club, etc. You were, presumably, with your girlfriends. As we neared each other, none of us made eye contact. It’s as though we were trying not to look at each other. I sure as hell was.
But because of this, I wasn’t looking where I was going either, and tripped on a crack in the pavement and tripped, falling forward, right as you were passing by. My arms flailed about and tried to grab the nearest sturdy thing to steady myself. That nearest thing ended up being your rack.
Unfortunately, your breasts weren’t steady nor sturdy enough, so I kept falling. Along the way, your shirt and bra were torn off in the process. Your knockers, exposed to the night air, bounced with delight and glee.
Almost immediately, you came down upon me, fists rained down hellfire the likes of which I’ve never experienced. Your friends quickly joined in, pummeling me, while my own friends stood back and watched, giggling gayly as if their kindergarten classmate had just poohed his pants during recess.
It was when you were pepper spraying the shit out of me that we locked eyes for a moment. It was incredibly painful to keep my eyes open, due to the intense sting from the pepper spray, but I noticed how goddamn gorgeous your blue eyes were, and I think I noticed a moment of hesitation, almost admiration, perhaps. A hint of a smile formed on your face, and for a second, I thought you were going to kiss me, but then you head-butted me directly into the sidewalk, rendering me unconscious.
This, however, did not stop you from kicking me in the side, spitting on my face and stealing my wallet, while, yes, you were there, you know, my friends continued laughing and whooping it up like a bunch of drunken rednecks at a hoedown.
I had hoped to find your phone number scratched into my chest, along with the many other scratches from your fingernails, but alas, when I came to, nothing. Just blood and a few scattered teeth.
I sincerely hope you read this message because I think we had a connection, you and I. I want to see where this might lead. As long as it’s not the ICU again.
No CommentsTo all Unnoticed Boys out There – w4m
To all Unnoticed Boys out There – w4m
Date: 2009-06-04, 9:11PM EDT
We sometimes peek in the Missed Connections area. Not b/c we think we’ll really find true love or an amazing night of total-stranger sex. (although that would be ideal 
, but we really just want to know that someone out there notices us… So for all you boys out there, this is for you:
* To the Solo Dad walking his little girl at the park. You are probably married, I have to confess that it makes you even hotter. The way you seem to entirely enjoy every moment with your daughter. The way you swing her around. The hugs & canoodles. You might be happy in your marriage, maybe not. Maybe you’re feeling like you’re getting old & missing out on fun & the good old days. But really, you have everything you ever dreamed of, right in your arms, that weighs about 30 lbs & has blonde curly hair that smells of apples & sunshine. Nothing a woman can ever give you, would match what peace & love & importance you share w/ your little girl. But just so ya know, I drool over you everytime I see you…;)
* To the Retail worker. You are so … unaffected by everything around you. You have no idea how cute you are. You wear these black khakis that fit your ass like a glove. I want to rip them off you whilst you help me find ink toner. You run ’round like mad, doing your job. Maybe feeling that no hottie notices you, but she does. She wants to ask you for your # but your titanium wedding band’s enormity scares her shitless. Maybe a drink sometime? Or not. Either way, you don’t belong in a retail store. You could model. You could be a anything you wanted. Better yet, you could crawl into my bed tonight.
* To the Not-so-Fit Guy at the Gym. You have BALLS! To walk into a gym, knowing you’ll have big muscle-heads grunting over their weights, long & lean runners trucking it on the treadmills ever so effortlessly & then the hotties who walk around wearing low-slung yoga pants & sports bras. All so intimidating & especially so since you’re not in the greatest shape. But you go, faithfully every day or other. And you pant & sweat & think you’re going to die. You walk & try to jog a bit. You lift 20 lbs dumbells with strain. But you do it. You do it for yourself & for your health. For your children, your wives or your future love life. You did it to shut your asshole friends up. You do it to get laid. But when you’re feeling low or discouraged, just know that I’m right next to you on the treadmill, lookin’ fine in MY low-slung yoga pants & sports bra. Running & increasing my incline/speed to push & motivate you. You CAN do it. I notice you. I want to strike up a conversation & tell you how much I admire you & your efforts. And maybe let ya know that I think you’re cute, chubb & all. Keep it up!
* To the Quiet Husband at the restaurant w/ your wife. I sit there wondering how you’ve restrained yourself from stabbing her eye out w/ a butter knife! You sit there listening to her drone on & on about her manicurist f*&king up her nails. How she questions you every five minutes if her ass is getting bigger. How she wants to enroll the kids in equestrian school to ‘season’ them properly. How she & ‘the girls’ are going out for drinks later, ‘you can put the kids to bed, right honeeee?’. How she wants to plan a trip to Bali. ‘Have you checked our 401K Honeeeee?’ & ‘Honeee, are you even listening to a goddamned word I’m sayinggggggg?’ ‘Why are you just sitting there saying NOTHING?’ ‘ I bet you can’t wait to get away from mEEEEEEE. WhateVER! Waitress, another Cosmos. HELLO! Jesus Christ, are these girls braindead???’ AND all I want to do is rip her f*&king blonde extensions back & say, ‘BITCH, your husband isn’t talking b/c you won’t shut your f*&king mouth! You drink, paint, bleach, primp, wear & snort every cent your husband is making. The least you can do is SHUT THE FUCK UP! Yes, you’re hot. But if you put your husband’s most likely gorgeous c*ck in your mouth more often, not only would that quiet YOU down but he might actually WANT to talk to you, spend time w/ you, enjoy you; instead of walking out the front door to meet his 18 yr old intern every lunch hour. You put so much effort into your appearance & social status & priming your children into little elite soldiers, that you’re missing the true beauty of everything you already have. SHUT YOUR MOUTH ONCE IN AWHILE. LEARN TO CLEAN YOUR OWN TOILET. TIP YOUR MANICURIST INSTEAD OF THINKING SHE’S GRACED BY YOUR AMERICAN BUSINESS. AND FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, ASK YOUR HUSBAND ONCE IN AWHILE HOW HE IS!!!! Because Honey, if you don’t, some lovely fox out there is dying to take care of him for you. It would be my pleasure to break up your marriage. Prove me wrong & LOVE him & RESPECT him for the MAN he is. And get yourself a muzzle.
Kisses to all you boys, who think you go unnoticed. You’re VERY MUCH SO noticed. Lift your head up, wink at me, even smack my ass. I won’t bite….hard. M.K.
- Location: L.V.
